MARCH 2002
There have been several cases of sheepworrying around here lately, but one
of daughter Aki's sheep up in Edinburgh has lately discovered the joy of dogworrying.
She is terrorizing the local dogpopulation, and the constabulary has been called
out on several occations in order to rescue a poor mutt; even sheepdogs are
giving her a wide berth.
Things have changed in the veterinary world since the days of James Herriot.
Aki was having her term-end exams recently. One of the questions was "How
would you treat a ring-neck pigeon." Her answer " With a 12-bore shotgun
and no. 5 shot" plus her grandmother's recipee for pigeon-pie evidently
did not go down too well with the examiners.
Robberies in urban areas here in Yorkshire have shot up by 70% in the last
year, and this seems to be the case all over the UK. As usual the Government's
response is spot on. Magistrates have been ordered to stop sending offenders
to jail because the prisons are full - unless they are mobile phone muggers
in which case they can more or less throw away the key. (I seem to remember
that a Government minister lost his mobile not so long time ago). The message
to pensioners afraid of being mugged for their pensions is clear. Get yourself
a mobile phone. Then there is at least a change that your attacker will actually
serve time.
Secondly the Government has ditched a bill to reform the criminal justice system
in favour of a ban on foxhunting.
So when someone beats your old granny to a pulp you can comfort her with the
fact that New Labour is doing all they can to keep fluffy little Foxy safe in
his earth.
How did that famous New Labour soundbite go again? "Soft on crime - tough
on the victims of crime"
Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscipti Catapultas Habebun.
Though I never watch television I recently considered, after considerable
pressure from the rest of the family, to possibly invest in a new set - I am
still recovering from the experience. The salesman suggested the full package
- home cinema with Nicam surround sound, fasttext, flat screen, widescreen,
DVD and a lot of other things I have never heard of, nor would ever use. The
cost; a cool £2,000.- plus £40.- a month for the sattelite package
so I can watch rubbish on 35 different channels instead of just 4. Surprisingly
I am not the only one refusing to fork out for a digital TV, it seems that almost
70% of us buy analog. This of course can't continue as the Government has already
pencilled in selling the analog frequencies to the mobile phone companies at
a vast profit. But instead on leaning on the TV industry to actually produce
something worth watching, their solution is to ban sale of analog TV sets in
order to force us all to go digital. Neat.
My memory is no longer what it used to be, but I seem to remember that the
war in Afghanistan was won a few months ago. Why are the UK suddenly sending
in 1,700 Royal Marines who are expected to take heavy casualties? Has some-one
been slightly economical with the truth again?
The sun is actually shining, the cherry trees here at Heimbu are in full blossom
and the grass is running riot; the old lawnmower is in action again.
Bronwen is doing well sorting out the rabbit population. The way the weather
has been the last few days it is a real pleasure to be out and about in the
woods with her. She has been so mellowed out lately (apart from killing rabbits)
that I have a feeling she must be up to something.
The local population around here is well and truly riled. The Council has
upped the tax far above inflation, while the services have been cut left, right
and center. But what really got them up in arms is that the Council has awarded
themselves payrises, and the Chief Executive got a rise of £36,000.- which
takes his pay to £140,000.- Seeing that the average paycheck in this part
of the world is around £12,000.- a year, they are planning to march on
County Hall next Monday.
At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child - miserable, as all spoiled
children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless.
Liberalism is a philosphy of sniveling brats." -- P.J. O'Rourke
He turned evasion and ambiguity into a new art form. -- Caroline Lucas, vice-president
of the European Union inquiery into foot-and-mouth, on how the former British
Agriculture Minister, Nick Brown, responded to questioning.
Schools have now been told to stop children from playing Cops and Robbers,
Cowboys and Indians, during recess as it evidently encourages an agressive mindset
and glorifies the gun culture. Is there no limit to Political Correctness?
Last week a major shake-up in British gaming laws were announced; in reality giving green lights for establishments of big Las Vegas style casinos. This did come as a bit of a surprise, but today it was all explained. Peter Coates, owner of the sixth largest betting company in the country and also director of an internet and telephone chain of bookmakers is a major donor to the People's Party. As usual Labor Party officials explain that there is no connection between donations and policy.
R.I.P.
Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother
4th August 1900 - 30th March 2002
Whereever she is may her horses come up winners and a gin and tonic always be
at hand.