AUGUST 2003
During a recruitment drive for more Goverment workers three people were interviewed. They were all asked to figure out how much is 2 + 2. The first one answered 3, and was accepted as uneducated, but shows initiative. The second answered 5, and was accepted as uneducated, but has imagination. The third one insisted that the right answer was 4, and was arrested as a suspected illegal immigrant.
The Home Secretary, David Blunkett, has just announced that he was prepared
to look at ways of preventing the media releasing the names of celebrities accused
of sex offences. So is it now official;
one law for the rich and famous, another for the rest of us?
Europe is still trying to sort out the cost in lives from the hot Summer. So far they reckon more than 10,000 have died in France and around 1,000 in Britain, mostly in London. It seems that as everyone went to the beach to try to cool off, they left Granny at home to suffucate. I suppose, as global warming really starts to bite, it would be one way of sorting out the problem of lack of nursing homes for the elderly.
The lights went out earlier this month over a large part of the US and Canada. While there was no return to the large scale looting that happened a few years ago, it did show how vulnerable we have become. You are basically completely helpless. Luckily it happened in Summer, so no lives were lost through getting stranded in freezing temperature, though it is only a matter of time before we will have a more serious Winter breakdown. British utility companies have warned that they can not guarantee that they can deliver electrisity this winter unless they get paid a lot more. That figures, of course.
And still, there are a few simple pre-causions that anyone can do, and which won't cost the Earth. One is to install a wood-burning stove in one room. This will ensure that you don't freeze to death and will enable you to heat water and food. Secondly get a back-up generator that will run your electric system to enable you to keep your central heating going, keep the food in your freezer from rotting and give you light so that you can see what you are doing. But do also keep torches, batteries, candles and matches handy.
Just after writing the above items London also had a major power failure. While not on the American scale it did happen during the rush hour and several hundred thousand people were stranded in the Tube. The National Grid is still trying to figure out what went wrong.
People have been asking me about what has been happening to Bronwen, my old Redtail hawk which had to be retired because of a lung fungus. I'm happy to inform everyone that she has found a new career to keep her from going mental with boredom. My friend Marcus has got a contract to keep gulls and crows off our local landfill sites using his falcons to scare them off. He brings Bronwen along, and though she can only fly around 20 yards before running out of puff, this is enough for her to be able to catch rats. She has nailed 64 in the last 2 weeks, and she is very happy. She refuses to eat them, though, and I can't say I blame her.
I've been waiting for it for some time, and now it seems it finally happening: Programless television. Zip TV will soon be up and running with wall-to-wall advertissements. There is a certain logic to this as lately the ads have been much more fun to watch than your average program, but it is still a pretty sad state of affair.
The ongoing Hutton Inquiry into the death of Government scientist `Dr. David Kelly has shed some light on the dark corners of Downing Street. First, Geoff Hoon, the Secretary of State for Defence, has revealed that he had absolutely no influence in the Department he was supposed to be running. All decissions were made at No. 10, and he was just informed as a curtesy after the fact. Then the Dear Leader manfully admitted that the responsibility for naming Dr. Kelly was all his as he did not want to be seen as trying to hide anything from the public. This despite the fact that he completely panicked when he was asked the same question over in Japan a few weeks ago, claiming that he had nothing to do with the affair. While some journalists might have been inclined to point out this fact, the timely resignation of Spin-Doctor-in-Chief, Alistair Campbell, at once overshadowed any interest the media might have had in following up this line.
Government sources have complained over the media's us of "alleged or appearent suicide" when writing about Dr. Kelly. They seem to be quite sensitive on this matter, as it is standard procedure to do so as no inquest has yet reached any conclusion on how he died. Nor will there be any inquest, as this now fall under the Hutton Inquiry. The police have also been told to butt out as any investigation is unwelcome due to State Security. Hmm.
The Dear Leader is now said to be planning a new "Ministry of Truth" in order to regain the public's trust. It is reportedly the idea of the "Prince of Darkness" himself, Peter Mandelson.
Expect the price of your daily bread to go up drastically in the near future. Due to the hot and dry Summer the grain crop has failed miserably. In fact every year this century has produced less wheat than we consume, and the stocks are at their lowest level ever. Though maybe we'll be saved if enough people follow the Atkins Diet which advises us not to eat any carbohydrates if we want to loose weight.
On the subject of hot Summers and Global Warming, the Bush Administration has just decreed that carbon dioxide is not a pollutant, so industry is now free to increase emissions.
The Boy Scouts will no longer cook their meals over an open fire when on camp. The little dears have been complaining that it takes too long time, and it is too boring to look for firewood. So from now on it is all gasfire, I'm afraid.
Those of you who attended this year's Summer-thing or has read the report on the Thing will know of the plan to convert the stable, haystore and tack-room at Heimbu into a "Feasting Hall" for the whole Stav Community. We have estimated that we need £2,000.-( and a lot of work) to get the project under way. So far we have £200.- pledged.
The Summer finally seems to be over. We've had several days of rain which has perked up the lawn no end; the apples are ready for eating, and the leaves are already falling. The nights are drawing in, and we'll soon be curled up in front of the fireplace with a good book.