APRIL 2005
As expected the General Election is set for 5th May. Although the campaign has been going on all year, it is now at least official. Conservatives or Labour? Neither of them believe in democracy, but rather in seeing that Government of politicians, by politicians and for politicians shall not perish from the Earth.
Kiyoko's uncle and aunt have arrived, and Heimbu has settled back to some resemblance of normality. Before they arrived Kiyoko went through every room in the house with buckets of water, bleach and something I was afraid to even ask about. The Hoover broke down, and we had to buy a new one; the washing machine imploded and had to be taken away for repair The windows are gleaming, and we've had multible bird strikes as they no longer can see that there are barriers to their flight. You can eat off the floor in the stable, and Arthur the Eagle Owl has been banished to the back garden. Will I ever understand the female mind?
On the morning of their arrival the washing machine was returned and put back in place in the kitchen. Then Smokey, the cat, disappeared, which is very unusual for him, as he likes his regular meals. So I was sent out to try to find him, but without success. However, just as we were leaving for the airport a cat's paw came out from behind the washing machine and after having pulled it out (the machine, not the paw) Smokey appeared, none the worse for wear, but not in the best of moods.
And then when we all wanted to take a hot bath there was no hot water. Luckily our plumber dropped in next afternoon and fixed the problem to the tune of £80.-
Last month it was the Nottingham Police Force that had to farm out murder investigations; now the South Yorkshire Force has declared that they no longer will investigate burglaries as Government form fillings take up too much of their time. As it is now, if your local copper should be fool enough to ask a kid what he's up to, the rest of his shift will be spent in writing a report. According to the Government this will establish patterns that will help them to combat crime by seeing where resources should be used. Most of us would probable prefer that the police instead were actually policing the streets, but then, what do we know?
Though the coppers still manage to come down on the real dangerous criminals. A bunch of teenagers were harassing a young boy, and his father came out carrying an orange waterpistol in his hand and told them to bugger off. Whereupon they called the police on their mobile, stating that they were in fear of their lives. The father got six months in the slammer.
The Anti-social Behaviour Orders, Asbo for short, was meant to be a tool for dealing with yobs, but somehow things are changing. Several times now they have been used dealing with persistant protesters against Governmenty policies. Now protesting will not land you in jail, but once you have been handed an Asbo you can now be locked up for doing something that is perfectly legal. Kafka and Orwell would have no trouble recognizing Blair's Britain,
Son Erling called and reported that he has just got his Postal Voting papers which is slightly odd. For one he has not applied for them, one reason being not having the vote as he is not a British citizen. I have a funny feeling New Labour will be returned with a thumping great majority.
PERGE SCELUS, MIHI DIEM PERFICIAS
The motto on Professor Sir Christopher Frayling's Coat of Arms (Think Dirty Harry if you don't read Latin)
One resident up in Scarborough had finally had enough of ever rising council taxes. Figuring out that the American War of Independence has set a precedent in law enabling British citizens to declare themselves free of the rule of the monarch, he notified the Government on the 10th of June 2003 that his house and garden was now the Republic of Albion, and as he had no reply he assumed there was no objection. So when the Council threatened to take him to court for not paying his council tax, he took his case to the European Court of Human Rights, which has stated that the case will be dealt with as soon as practicable. This has rather spiked the Council's guns as the European court take predence over British ones.
So far during this election the Deputy Prime Minister, John Prescott, has kept a low profile; his famous battle bus nowhere to be seen. Where is his left hook now that New Labour needs him?
I turned 60 on the 8th of this month and vended my way through snow, hail and rain to County Hall to collect my free bus pass. Predictably it was not to be. The Council's computer system was down, and no-one had a clue when they could start working again.
"A gun, is one of the few things in the world, that if you NEED one, nothing else will do. If you need one and don't have one you will probly never need one again." -- Unknown
Luckily for me Kiyoko's uncle is a keen gardener, and he has spent most of his time at Heimbu doing the jobs that knackers my knees, while I've been operating a shuttle service to the local dump. It seems that the garden will after all look halfway decent this year.
It never rains but it pours. When I thought nothing else could go wrong one of the hot water taps decided that it didn't want to be turned off. So the hot water tank emptied pretty quick, and I shudder to think what the next water bill will look like as the stop tap was frozen solid. Our plumber is figuring that he will be able to take early retirement soon.
The political parties are still at it; trying to bribe us with our own money in return for our votes. But no-one seems to actually have any
So the choice is between Pinoccio, Dracula and Tim Nice-but-dim. Oh, where are the giants of yesteryear?
The Liberals want to replace the community charges with "a local income tax." Hasn't it occured to them that this will ensure that areas with low incomes will not raise sufficient revenues to maintain sevices.
Does it not occur to the Conservatives, that if it is only one consultant in ahospital, waiting lists wil not be changed because he moves from the NHS to the private sector?
Does it not occur to Labour that people are not neccessarily grateful for being offered a £400m pound pension top-up when £5bn a year are taken from private pension funds?
Why is the coming revaluation of houses estimated to cost £100m? Why not just increase the limits of the bands in line with house inflation? "A" band was £40.000 - now it could be £100.00 or £120.000.
Am I missing something?
Public inquiries have always been a safeguard for the public interest, but Labour managed to rush through a new bill where they in the future will be able to fire the chairman or indeed any member of an inquiry panel, restrict public attendence, and control the disclosure of documents. A minister will be able restrict access to information if it would "result in additional cost", and change the inquiry's terms of reference - after it has started work.
One of my nephews reports that he has just had an encounter of the dangerous kind. Two days out of Longyearbyen in Spitzbergen with a team of eight Huskies he found himself suddenly at bad breath distance from a polar bear. The only weapon he had was the blitz on his camera. Luckily for him it frightened the bear off, and he now has a rather spectacular photo of an ursine open mouth full of teeth.
I've decided that I can't take any more of politicians asking for my vote, which I don't have anyway. We're off to Norway for the duration. Cheers.