APRIL 2004
Doggerel
It's cold and it's wet and I'm soaked to the skin,
I'm covered in fleas and I'm terribly thin.
I'm an unwanted puppy, I'm just nine weeks old,
The last of the litter, thrown out in the cold.
My mum was a mongrel of indefinite breed,
She never went out for walk on a lead.
She was cared for in a haphazard fashion,
Not much to eat, it was strictly on ration.
Roaming the streets at eight months in season,
"We won't keep her in, we can see no reason".
Hounded by dogs, all day and at night,
Running exhausted and wild eyed with fright.
My brothers have homes, my sister has too,
I'm the last of the litter, appealing to you.
I've known fear and pain in my very short life,
I duck from your hands, expect blows and strife.
- But warm hands tenderly pick me up,
"Oh, poor little thing, you poor little pup!
To the Police we'll go, we'll have to take you,
They take in lost dogs, they'll know what to do".
Through the bars of the Police Station kennel I look,
Just one more in the "Property book".
It's cold in here, without any heat,
The biscuits too hard for me to eat.
I'm hungry and cold, I'm too weak to cry,
So here I'll lie.
(They found her next morning - dead -
On the floor.
Neglected and starving, no strenght to take more.
Only nine weeks, so battered and worn,
She should have lived,
But she should not have been born.)
W.A. Wood
So I'm back at Heimbu after the lambing. More than 2,000 lambs were born in just a few weeks, and I have completely lost count of how many I castrated and tail-docked. Luckily there was only one problem birth which required a caesarean (both the ewe and the lambs are fine), and I only had to assist Aki a couple of time with stuck lambs. One does, however, start to feel one's age; it was a bit embarrasing to be constantly outrun by day-old lambs, but all in all I had a great time, and I'm looking forward to next spring.
Anyone remember the old EU banana? The one that had to have a regulation size and curvature. We have been told by the Government and EU websites that this was just an urban myth created by anti-EU extremists, but the Internet is a funny thing. Doing a bit of digging I come across regulation 2257/94 and I quote: "Bananas shall be at least 139,7mm long, 26.9mm round and have no abnormal curvature".No mentioning of limits on pesticides or whether it is GM free or not
The East Riding Council has shown that at least it is on the ball when it comes to sniffing out where money can be saved. After the Chancellor announced that pensioners will get an extra £100.- to help with the heating bill, the Council has decided that the same pensioners now are so flush with money that they no longer have any need to travel on local trains for half price. Luckily they are unable to withdraw the bus-passes, as they are obliged by law to provide those. The Council tax has gone up with 5.2% more than the rise in pensions.
I have recently been reading a book showing a collection of letters being written during the twilight of the Roman Empire. What struck me is that no-one seemed to be especially aware that they were living in the time of the collapse of their world. Barbarians were surging across the borders, Rome was burning, but mostly the letters discuss visiting the circus or gossip about neighbours or relatives, or complain about the difficulties of obtaining luxury goods. No stirring call to arms, just complaints about higher taxes and fewer services.
The people responsible for road-works operate beyond human comprehension. Why is it that every time there is a holiday, the road workers are out in force, creating huge tailbacks, and of course being paid overtime precisely because it is a holiday? Well, now that Easter is over they can go back to sleep until the next Bank Holiday.
I see that Hollywood is doing another re-write of history. A few years ago Harvey Keitel as an American Naval Officer in the movie U-571 managed to get the Enigma code machine from a sinking German submarine, and thus change the course of the war. Now Tom Cruise in "The Few" is set to win the Battle of Britain all on his own.
Several of the local dairy farmers have been asking me about an item of news in the paper. It seems a Norwegian nursing mother has been selling her excess milk for more than £10.- a litre. Since last May she has produced 500 litre and bought a new car with the proceeds. According to the farmers none of them have made that much profit selling cow milk, and they are now mulling the possibility of getting a Norwegian wife instead of having a dairy herd.
The Austrian town of Haslach finally got around to cancel Adolf Hitler's honorary citizenship last month. They sure do not act in haste down there.
It seems a lot of people worry about the future without realizing that the future is already here. The ravages of global warming are there for anyone to see; gas, electricity and water companies can no longer garantee delivery of services; the pension schemes are depleted; life expectancy is going down; the war on terror is going badly, but it is not only a war waged on religous ground; driving it is an assault of the dispossessed on a decadent Western world no longer fit to survive. We do indeed live in interesting times.
Hull has been branded the fattest city in the UK and the local kids are already starting to show symptoms of diabetes in Primary school. So the Council in its wisdom decided that all children will be given a free and healthy meal with lots of vegetables for lunch instead of the burgers and chips that was previously provided, even if it will cost the authority more than a million pounds a year. The result was predictable; the little buggers just stopped eating lunch. So now the parents are up in arms as the kiddies are coming home from school ravenous for a meal. Cooking. however, is something that most people in Hull are not equipped to deal with at all. So its back to the chippie and MacDonald's.
Similarities in languages can be a dangerous thing. The new EU Constitution, written in French, speaks of transferring "competences" from the Parliement to Brussels. The Government has translated this as "competences", giving the impression that there will just be a bureaucratic tidying up exercise. The word in French actually means authority, power or jurisdiction.
The other day 100,000 civil servants went on a 24-hour strike over pay, and no-one noticed until they read it in the papers next day. Which rather begs the question; what are these people actually doing.
The Dear Leader might not have a reverse gear, but he's a dab hand at performing a handbrake U-turn. After telling everyone for months now that there will be no referendum on the proposed EU Constitution, suddenly there will be one, though probably only after the general election. A flurry of high-level civil servants and politicians going over to America to confer with Rupert Murdock suggests that Blair has been listening to his Master's voice again.
Some wit in the People's Party has suggested that the Dear Leader's change of mind about the referendum comes from New Labour's brilliant education policies. In a letter written in answer to a constituency question it was stated that; "Last year we believed that the British people were too stupid to make fine judgements on Europe. Fortunately, New Labour has made such strides in raising the educational standards that people will be be fully capable of of making a sensible judgement by the time of the referendum. And if the wrong result is reached we will of course have another referendum." I believe the letter was couched in somewhat different terms, but that was the gist of it.
This month has seen the start of the "voluntary" ID-cards that we all soon have to carry if we know what is good for us. Here's the timetable: April 2004 - trial ID system start with 10,000 volunteers in selected locations. July 20th. 2004 - Public consultations on the ID Draft Bill closes. Autumn 2004 - Legislation formally introduced at Westminster. 2005 - Voluntary ID card system becomes law. If judged a success compulsory cards will follow a few years down the line. Not that it would seem to be neccessary to make them compulsory as you won't be able to drive a car, you can't travel abroad or indeed in this country unless you walk or ride a bicycle, you will have no access to health care or social services, you can't open a bank account, take out a mortgage or rent a house; in fact we are already being stitched up. This will not inconvenience terrorists or criminals, but it will sure make it easier to control the general population, which of course is the purpose of the exercise.
Reading the small print of the proposed ID card bill I see it will be an offense to move house without informing the autorithies beforehand. The punishment at first will be a fine of £1,000.- , but you can bet your bottom dollar that this is just the beginning.
First it was the wrong kind of snow, then it was leaves on the rails, now we have bird strike. The other day the East Coast Mainline was disrupted for several hours as a pigeon got stuck between the overhead power cable and the pantograph on the 4:35 service from Newcastle to London. These things never seem to happen in other countries.
Heimbu has a new resident feline. Kiyoko has been missing Moggy and Deshi, both which are believed to have come out the worse in tangling with the local urban fox. Having read an article in the paper where the Cat Rescue Centre was asking if someone would take on a 10 year old cat that was always overlooked because of his age, I was persuaded to drive her down to the Centre to have a look. At first I thought it was a mistake somewhere; one size up and you would have a small leopard, maybe someone had brought in the legendary Beast of the Wolds. Kiyoko was getting all dewy-eyed, but even she beat a quick retreat when the cat took exception to her entering his cage. Anyway, she wanted him, and somehow the entire staff at the Centre managed to get him into a basket, though not without considerable blood-shed. They waived the usual £40.- fee, we got a big bag of cat litter plus a litter tray, loads of cat food, and in the rear mirror I could see them all hugging each other and dancing as we left. So far things has gone surprisingly well, apart from Smokey having taken over the Heimbu library, but I don't usually read much at this time of the year anyway.
Suddenly Heimbu is awash with colour. The recent warm weather has brought all the cherry trees and apple trees out together in full bloom, and there are flowers everywhere. Unfortunately the grass is growing too; I am mowing the lawn twice a week and it still looks untidy.
The Government have finally found the solution to the growing problem of obesity in the UK. If women would hoover the house and men mow the lawn 5 times a week we'll all be slim. Quees for applicants to the new 5 times a week consultant jobs please form to the left.
So will the end of Britain as we know it happen at the stroke of midnight on May Day? The tabloids seems to think so, expecting hordes of feckless Eastern Europeans to descend on these shores in search of Government handouts. Playing to their readership I notice that they are not worried about jobs being taken over, but about the possibility of having to share benefits. Does that mean that tabloid readers generally do not work, only live on the dole?
More worrying for the new EU members I would say is the certainty of having their doctors and nurses poached by the NHS, and their properties bought up by rich Westerners, but this is not seen as a problem by the said papers.